and so it is, just like you said it would be

Last night, trying to fall asleep, I was thinking about my kids, the ones that exist only in my imagination and some distant future; in my mind’s eye I had to look straight in the eyes of this little boy* and tell him that yes, he’d done something wrong, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love him, in fact I loved him before he was even born, and I just started crying, because right then, for a brief moment I think I understood how God feels.(*For some reason I imagine having sons, probably because I don’t want to have a daughter like I used to be as a punk teen, which with my luck means that I’ll have a whole houseful of girls. Ha!)

P.S. Appropriately enough, “For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti” just came on while I was writing that. Oh, for more musical serendipity.

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One thought on “and so it is, just like you said it would be

  1. hannah says:

    yes. thank you for recording this, manders; it is beautiful and true.

    i was talking with my mom the other day and feeling awful and deserving of hatred (or at least a hint of “i don’t like you”), and she explained the very same thing to me. “oh honey,” she said. “from the very moment you were born, i thought you were the most wonderful thing to walk this earth — even when you hadn’t taken a single step yet!” i cried then, and i almost cried again as i’m typing it. i guess even a young woman of 21 can forget what kind of person she’s been born to!

    i still don’t understand God’s love for me. but i am getting glimmers of what it means for me to be His.

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