and so it is, just like you said it would be

Last night, trying to fall asleep, I was thinking about my kids, the ones that exist only in my imagination and some distant future; in my mind’s eye I had to look straight in the eyes of this little boy* and tell him that yes, he’d done something wrong, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love him, in fact I loved him before he was even born, and I just started crying, because right then, for a brief moment I think I understood how God feels.(*For some reason I imagine having sons, probably because I don’t want to have a daughter like I used to be as a punk teen, which with my luck means that I’ll have a whole houseful of girls. Ha!)

P.S. Appropriately enough, “For the Widows in Paradise, For the Fatherless in Ypsilanti” just came on while I was writing that. Oh, for more musical serendipity.


One thought on “and so it is, just like you said it would be

  1. hannah

    yes. thank you for recording this, manders; it is beautiful and true.

    i was talking with my mom the other day and feeling awful and deserving of hatred (or at least a hint of “i don’t like you”), and she explained the very same thing to me. “oh honey,” she said. “from the very moment you were born, i thought you were the most wonderful thing to walk this earth — even when you hadn’t taken a single step yet!” i cried then, and i almost cried again as i’m typing it. i guess even a young woman of 21 can forget what kind of person she’s been born to!

    i still don’t understand God’s love for me. but i am getting glimmers of what it means for me to be His.

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