hey, look, it is actual prose.

1. I kind of poetry-bombed the place for a while there, didn’t I?

2. It’s the night before the night before I leave. The past few months have been lovely, and kind of intense, and a time of growing in almost all areas of my life, and I am grateful that I chose this instead of choosing the safer option. Ready for the next adventure, wherever that may take me. At this point, I think I know what I need, and some of what I want, but I think I’ve resigned myself to leaving my options open. A friend asked me today where I would go if I had my choice, and I had to honestly tell him, I have no idea. I know I need somewhere to stay a while, somewhere with a good church where I can get involved and serve, and also get some emotional and spiritual help. I don’t know where that is yet. I have ideas, but as for right now, my plans for the future are getting on that plane on Friday, coming home, seeing my friends and family, and maybe getting some sleep eventually. After that–the future. That verse about God having all our days written in His book before one of them even happens has been an immense comfort.

3. That all being said, I am going to miss here a lot, and all the lovely people that have made DC feel like another home. Somehow I’ve been blessed enough to find people everywhere I go that feel like family, which is why, I guess, I both am okay with going new places and utterly sad to leave.

4. It is so hard for me to surrender my hurt to God, because there’s something about being a little depressed that actually gives me comfort because of its familiarity. I’m not sure exactly what that’s a sign of, but it’s probably not real good…

5. What I am trying to say, I guess, is that I am trying to learn to let go of control over my own life, because unless I do, that is essentially what will kill my soul. You have to lose your life to gain it.

6. Tired. Good night.

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