and i feel plenty different.

1. Sorry I haven’t blogged in a while. Lots going on–I’m going to a conference in a couple of weeks and have a presentation to prepare; I just had a birthday not long ago (27! still hard to believe) and had an excellent evening with friends and music; I’ve been eliminating wheat from my diet, which has been interesting; I’ve been trying to get more structure in my life, also interesting; and there’s some exciting potentials for the future coming up. So I’ve been busy, but also thinking quite a bit, and you’re due a good blog post.

2. I’ve recently realized that I have this tendency to try and live mostly as an entirely intellectual being, because emotions/affections scare me quite a bit, given my history toward volatility in that area (to say the least). However, I’ve also realized that part of that prayer in the psalms for single-mindedness is asking God to make those volatile emotions line up with the objective knowledge we have, which in turn translates into our behavior. This is hard for me, but as I see it slowly starting to happen, it’s also astonishing in the best way.

3. Also, part of the objective/subjective unity: I am a Christian because God has committed Himself to me before I even existed, and His commitment and affections toward me always, always line up. In my own limited, broken way I have also committed myself to Him–I have made the conscious choice to follow Him no matter what–and part of His working in me is to unite that commitment with my affections. That’s sanctification. In the meantime, even though I don’t always feel it, I still work through my apathy or guilt or doubt, because I love Him, but moreover, He loves me and won’t let me sit in whatever keeps me from loving Him.

4. Furthermore, this has implications for human relationships, because all relationships are living, breathing metaphors for the bigger relationship between us and God. For example, my parents just recently celebrated their 41st anniversary. The one thing they’ve always driven home to me is that they stay together because 41 years ago they made a promise to God and to each other that they wouldn’t leave, that they would work through any difficulty, and that promise has somehow driven the love, not necessarily the other way around. I hope I have that kind of marriage someday, but moreover, I’m starting to see that in other relationships around me, which is cool. 🙂

5. So, yes. Lots of thinking.

6. Anyway, so other than that I have a bunch of projects going, and am doing life with folks, and working, and so on and so forth. Grateful for this season of my life, even though it started off difficult, because it’s brought me here and is taking me somewhere even better. Yes and amen.

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