dust

sons of adam, daughters of eve
dust turned black and hard with drought
ashen with destruction’s fire

behold, the Maker plants a garden
His back plowed with deep furrows
our thorns upon His holy brow

we have sat fallow in the waiting
He the sower now plants His seed
opens up our earthen hands

to receive His rain, receive His sun
we shall be a harvest rising from the ground
at the end there shall be jubilee

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numbers

what strange god is this that
beckons us out into the desert to die
out of the comfort of our bondage

and keeps giving and giving
though we keep mistaking him for
our own complaining lips

we cannot rest, we cannot be still
oh, children, hear his voice
because we heard and are still deaf

the blood keeps rising on our hands
the smoke keeps rising from the tent
maybe some day we will be redeemed

and enter into the land of our enemies

thinking about this stuff.

1. I’m in a period of my life where God is teaching me how to trust Him and wait for His timing and that He’s doing stuff even though I may not necessarily see it happening. This drives me absolutely nuts, because I am an NJ in Myers-Briggs and like to know where we’re going and how we’re getting there. And God knows this about me, which is why He sticks me in a lot of situations where I have to shut up and follow Him anyway. Because He loves me. And in my own small, imperfect way, I love Him, too, and so I have to choose to go with Him. (But He drives me nuts.)

2. I’m giving up books for Lent, Lauren Winner-style. (Stop laughing; I can hear you all the way over here.) I catch myself identifying more with what I know and being known as That Girl Who Reads A Lot, all the while ignoring the Book that ought to define me. So. No reading it is, aside from the Bible and a devotional book I’ve been using (Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening, which is great). I am actually kind of nervous about this.

3. Of course, the temptation is to blitz through a lot of movies with all that non-reading time I’ll have, which I feel like is kinda missing the point, but I still might do anyway…

4. Being honest about yourself to other people is terrifying, but it is amazing, like stepping off the ledge of a building and finding a giant bunch of pillows at the bottom.

5. That’s all I have. Good night, y’all.

Coming at you live from sunny New Mexico…

In Albuquerque. Presented a paper this morning (it went well, thanks for asking). Desert is dry. The ABQ feels like what Waco would be like with more money and more Mexicans (and maybe some mountains and hipsters); it’s a city in need of some urban renewal, it feels like, at least the (very few) parts of it that I’ve seen. I’m about to head upstairs to listen to a couple of panels, but then who knows what…I think tomorrow shall be for sightseeing.

Oh, and this is a couple of blocks away from where the conference is:

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forgive me if i’m a bit shaky
it’s just that I’m waiting for the rest of myself
to catch up with my thoughts
and the waiting is the war that has me losing blood

all my words are just bricks in the berlin wall
so i’ll stand in the awkward silence
while you tear away at them to let freedom in