waiting is the war

forgive me if i’m a bit shaky
it’s just that I’m waiting for the rest of myself
to catch up with my thoughts
and the waiting is the war that has me losing blood
all my words are just bricks in the berlin wall
so i’ll stand in the awkward silence
while you tear away at them to let freedom in
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dust

sons of adam, daughters of eve
dust turned black and hard with drought
ashen with destruction’s fire
behold, the Maker plants a garden
His back plowed with deep furrows
our thorns upon His holy brow
we have sat fallow in the waiting
He the sower now plants His seed
opens up our earthen hands
to receive His rain, receive His sun
we shall be a harvest rising from the ground
at the end there shall be jubilee

numbers

what strange god is this that
beckons us out into the desert to die
out of the comfort of our bondage
and keeps giving and giving
though we keep mistaking him for
our own complaining lips
we cannot rest, we cannot be still
oh, children, hear his voice
because we heard and are still deaf
the blood keeps rising on our hands
the smoke keeps rising from the tent
maybe some day we will be redeemed
and enter into the land of our enemies

sun and stars besides

I hope you’re doing well, dear
Despite the world’s transitions
I know you’ve been through hell, dear
And pain has no conditions
I’m doing fine these days, love
In spite of my addictions
To hurt and heat and sorrow
And joy is my contrition
We could be beggars, we could be outcasts
We could be strangers forever and ever
We could inherit all of the cosmos
And the sun and stars besides
I know we’re not okay, dear, we never were to start with
But know that in the day’s clear light stars still break the darkness
And all our past and future collide here in the present
Sewn up here in the sutures of glory luminescent
We could be princes, we could be heroes
We could be fire forever and ever
We could bring beauty to all the planets
And the sun and stars besides
And if I could but ask you
To hold me like a promise
I’d take you as a shelter
From the mercy falling on us
We could be beggars, we could be heroes
We could be warriors forever and ever
We will rise over all of the cosmos
And the sun and stars besides

the resurrection and life everlasting

oh mama mary, we’ve been waiting
for your boy to come so long
and i know you are, too
your bones long lying in the grave
john laid them down after
loving you like a son
and then wrote about his Master’s
coming back to raise them up
to earth’s womb we all must go
though we have already been born again
we will be reborn and reborn every day
until that great morning
oh, but mama mary, i will not ask you to pray for us
there’s too much on your mind
so i’ll pray along with you–
peace. peace. peace.

holy wednesday: mary

We meant to save this for my marriage,
This, my inheritance, the price paid
To a husband in exchange for his protection,
His provision, and (if I were lucky) his affections.
One small jar, a year’s pay–
And I crack it open on hair dusty
With Jerusalem soil, shoulders weighed down
By some great load I cannot understand,
And it runs down like anointing oils
On the unlikeliest of kings, and as I
Look into His eyes despite all proper inhibition,
I see, and I know–we shall be wed despite
His great sorrow, or because of it,
And I have no need of this sweet fragrance
Anymore–He shall pay my bride-price for me,
And carry me over the threshold into home.

Bullet points from the past week or so

1. I forgot to mention that I got a Kindle Touch (thanks, parents…). This thing is amazing.

2. Last week there was a pretty serious, terrible thing that happened to a family at my church that could have been a lot more serious and terrible. It’s been an amazing thing to watch the people of my church love and care for these folks, and it’s amazing to see the provision of God in the middle of it.

3. A group of friends and I went camping last weekend (my first time! I got to cross off something on my bucket list, too) at Garner State Park (out west of San Antonio). So much fun, and good to get out of the city and turn off my phone and sleep on the ground and get to know these lovely folks better.

4. From my journal, the culmination of a lot of conversations about asking Jesus to provide, and how He already has so much already:

In every high and raging flood
Beneath the grey and darkening skies
While all around gets swept away
Let our Redeemer’s praise arise

You are enough, we will not fear
For in all things Your love is near
The cross has made Your mercies clear
You are enough for us
You are enough for us