- It’s been raining since about 10 this morning. I am going a little nuts.
- Currently thinking about: The Hamilton cast recording (if you don’t know about this, please Google it and get back to me later); the tornado watch the city of Houston is currently under; my friends’ wedding in a couple of weeks(!), Reformed theology that isn’t soteriology (thanks, James K.A. Smith), how I should have paid more attention in my philosophy classes in college; how much I want to bake something from scratch for no real reason; what’s a suitable timeline for going back to school.
- A few years ago I said I was going to go to seminary and that’s still part of the plan, but I’ve been under a wee bit of financial strain and so I’m putting myself on a budget so I can save more money so I can go back to school. I’m going to have to do fewer things like, I don’t know, buy books I don’t need (I work for a public library, for Pete’s sake, and my to-read shelf is jam-packed) or eat food I get from a drive-through (which would be a better option anyway). But I still want to go. I still feel like I’m supposed to go.
- A week or so ago I went on this whole Twitter ramble about how I don’t know what I want to do with my future, even though I currently have an okay job and anyone would look at my life on paper and say, okay, what’s the problem. But I’m kind of restless and wondering what’s next for me, so I guess what I’m saying is, if you pray, I could use some wisdom here.
- And that’s the weird thing, too–I ask for prayer, I go to church (heck, I work for a church), I go to my community group, and yet my prayer and devotional life has been really kind of dead lately, the deadest I think it’s been in a really long time. I keep getting distracted by stupid stuff like YouTube and Twitter instead of opening up my Bible or even the Bible app on my phone. It’s kind of gross, really.
- And truth be told, I have been anxious and stressed for the past couple of weeks. I’m pretty sure that #5 is at least partially related to this. It’s not as bad as it has been in the past, but it’s not altogether pleasant, either.
- So I am a hot mess, is what I’m saying.
- But really, we all are, so.
- I think part of me, too, when things get weird or stressful, has the reaction to just want to run away and quit everything and start over entirely. Which is kind of crazy, really, but there’s always that something in the back of my brain.
- But I am understanding that sometimes maturity consists of keeping it together and not just reacting to life, to taking a few deep breaths and trying to endure whatever the thing is, because even in the difficult things God is doing something and teaching me something. And sometimes it means shutting up and listening to what He’s saying.
- OKAY need to lighten this mess up: Have a skateboarding dog.[youtube https://youtu.be/sor2oWkiA9g]
- Things I love, to remind myself to put myself in contact with this kind of thing more often: Knitting, hanging out with other people (even when I am feeling particularly anxious), reading actual physical books, the color grey, lying on the floor listening to music, naps, cups of tea, hugs.
- I have decided that what I want in a man is someone with whom I can discuss theology and how we’re going to apply it to our everyday lives, like how being an image bearer of God affects how we treat our kids, for example.
- I’ve also realized recently that I’m attracted to men that are slightly odd-looking–not weird-looking, just kind of odd and not for everyone. Benedict Cumberbatch, for example.
- Recently I’ve also discovered people on Twitter who will sort everyone possible into Hogwarts houses–e.g., the Founding Fathers, the characters in Little Women. (Prof. Bhaer is a Ravenclaw, for the record.) (I am also a Ravenclaw and have had a crush on both the character Prof. Bhaer and Gabriel Byrne since I was 9. Coincidence?)
- I also kind of want to start reading Harry Potter again. (When do I not?)
- Also considering how I need to stop eating stuff I know I’m allergic to, even though it’s delicious, because it’s making me break out in hives and is probably also contributing to my anxiety. (But…pizza, y’all.)
- But we are bodies–we don’t just have bodies, we are bodies, and souls, and minds. And our bodies are important, and how I treat my body is important, and how I worship with my body is important, too.
- I’ve been listening to this series of teaching from a church in Nashville about Jesus’ incarnation and what that means for us as Christians, and it’s really good. I recommend it. (It’s all the ones labeled “Word/Flesh.”)
- I love y’all. Good night.
13 things you wish you knew more about.
2. Classical music.
4. Music theory.
5. Art. I don’t know anything about the visual arts except what I think looks cool.
6. Islam. I speed-read the Koran in college for a class, but that obviously barely qualifies as any real knowledge.
7. The eastern religions.
8. Eastern Orthodoxy.
9. Philosophy. Yes, even though I have 2/3 of a minor in it.
10. Music from the ’70s and ’80s.
11. Classical literature (as in what classics majors study–the ancient Greek and Roman stuff).
13. Chemistry (if I could just get my brain to understand it).